


buoyancy

by spanish (cantonese)



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Self-Harm, generally very dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:55:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24090178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cantonese/pseuds/spanish
Summary: seungyoun was what kept hangyul afloat all that while.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun & Lee Hangyul, Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Lee Hangyul
Kudos: 10





	buoyancy

**Author's Note:**

> this is going to be an angsty ride my loves. i was doing a digital cleansing when i found this lying under "fandom contents"  
> i wrote it in october (3rd of oct to be precise, it was saved on that date) last year and reading back to it now my mind was actually blown at how much of an angsty ho i was shskdjdkd
> 
> anyway tw for suicide and ill see you in... ion know another story lmao
> 
> also i mean no harm to either of them i hope theyre,, alive and happy and healthy and all and that is also for all of you reading this !!! ok enjoy i mean sufferrrrrr

hangyul stares ahead into the skyline as he stood at the ledge, where the sun has partially retired for the day but casting a thousand shades of gold in the skies. the wind blowing from the sea caresses his golden brown skin, tousling his perfectly brushed back hair in the process. he basks in the feeling of the golden rays against his skin; it provided warmth, but it just isn't physically there... neither will it last forever.

he thinks about his family, who took care of him and his friends who lifted him up when he was down. he feels sorry for a second, for all of them had their own baggage to carry, yet they didn't even hesitate to put hangyul on their shoulders.

he feels sorry because he had been a buzzkill, a burden and a worry to people who he loves and who loves him too. and then his best friend flashes across his mind—cho seungyoun. 

that man, he'd met about half a year ago but were attached to the hips to for what felt like a longer time than that. seungyoun was joyful, friendly and happy, a stark contrast to his introverted, depressed self. for some reason, that was one of the reasons they were close. 

seungyoun had held him in his arms the first night he found him in the toilet with fresh cuts on his wrists, and cried and told him that he'd be there for him for as long as he needs. he'd taken care of hangyul's wounds delicately and spoke gently about how hangyul should lean on him if he ever feels like falling. hangyul didn't know what to feel but one thing for sure, he felt his stomach churn in an overwhelming gratitude, safety and most importantly, happiness.

the same night hangyul had cocooned himself in his blankets in seungyoun's arms and learnt about a lot of deeper and hidden things about seungyoun; about the tattoos he got to cover up his own scars, the beatings, the thoughts, the dark phase and the coping mechanism he later developed.

both seungyoun and hangyul had cried a lot that night, and hangyul felt like he needed to love and protect this man just as much as seungyoun wanted to do so for himself.

seungyoun would take him to nice little bars hidden in some alleyway or sneak him out of his home to go for a joyride on his motorcycle. then he'd take him to fancy restaurants and serenade him. those times when they don't go out, they would be at hangyul's either watching a movie or playing against each other on his console. 

they'd appear everywhere together, come in and out of places together, and do whatever together. their mutual friends had teased them about it, but both of them had laughed it away.

for the few months he'd known seungyoun, he had never felt more alive than ever. he'd found a reason to smile every day, found a reason to throw away all the sad thoughts, found a reason to just wake up and go out, and a reason to actually continue living on. for the first time in a very long time, hangyul felt like he finally had a say in the way his brain acts.

life isn't always fair though. it gives you something, but it can also take it away. just when hangyul thought he'd be able to escape the claws of depression, life had taken away something most precious to him. it'd taken away a bottle of dispensable happiness, a sleeping pill, an oxygen tank and most importantly, a best friend. hangyul remembered the way he couldn't breathe when he was awakened in the middle of the night to rush out onto the asphalt, only to see a seungyoun lying motionlessly in front of his apartment block with half of his head smashed in from falling out of his motorcycle head first.

hangyul had wished he never made it to see seungyoun one last time.

now, the ghost of a half-beheaded seungyoun will forever haunt him, bringing back the hurricane of dark and dangerous thoughts with a side of terror and fear to capsize the happy little boat he and seungyoun had set sail in his head.

and it wasn't long until the hurricane had become too strong for the little boat to handle, and it sunk, and sunk until it becomes a part of the ocean bed.

**Author's Note:**

> shout at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/daehanmingyu)


End file.
